After a group of astronomers announced Thursday that, due to a slight wobble in the earth’s rotation, astrological signs may be in need for a revision, dismayed horoscope readers took to the internet to sort out the whole cosmic mess.
Surveys show that approxiamtely one third of Americans believe in the predictive powers of astrology, and for much of the day, Google was dominated with searches related to Ophiuchus, the newly added star sign. Disgruntled and displaced Sagitarians and Capricorns scrambled to find out what new and improved characteristics best defined them.
Those born between Nov. 29 and Dec. 17 are up for the zodiac reassignment.
So what does it mean to be an Ophiuchus (Ophiuchusan?)? Surge Desk presents the following video as evidence of… …well, Surge Desk maybe it’s best to just let you watch.
Still, a few big questions remains:
1. Will newspapers around the country start offering daily Ophiuchus horoscopes?
2. How does this revelation affect the Age of Aquarius?
One thing is fairly certain, the relatively slow wobble of the earth’s axis means that, to paraphrase Kris Kristofferson, Jesus is still a capricorn.